identity
by Laura x Tennant
Summary: The Doctor and Rose bump into two future versions of the Time Lord. Rose is curious about the one who won't meet her eye, who snaps and provokes and doesn't seem to care. Curious, and a little bit furious.


"Okay, one of you needs to tell me what the hell is going on before Rose gets here," sniffed the Doctor, shoving his hands in his pockets and glaring pointedly at his future selves.

The one with the bowtie laughed uneasily, his eyes darting around in a not very subtle manner. "Oh, is she…is she closeby?"

The Doctor's eyebrows drew together. "Close enough. And I don't particularly want her to bump into one of you, so - "

"Why not?" asked the oldest Doctor, who was standing with his hands on his hips, the red lining of his coat on display.

The Doctor looked him up and down. "Actually, not so worried about her meeting you, but tweedy over here, now he's a different story."

"What's that supposed to mean?" both of the other Doctors said simultaneously.

The Doctor shuddered. "Never mind. Tell me why you're here."

"I've brought Amy and Rory along to see the most beautiful sunset in the galaxy for their anniversary - " started the bowtie Doctor, waving his hands around emphatically. " - I sort of owed them after the trip to the Savoy went a bit wrong. Anyway, let's not dwell on that - "

The oldest Doctor rolled his eyes. "Pfft, romantic twaddle."

The youngest Doctor shifted awkwardly, scratching at the back of his neck. "You're not - you're not here for that, then? The sunset?" he asked his older self.

"Of course not," he said gruffly. "I only turned up because the TARDIS said there was some sort of disturbance in space and time. Now I know it was probably one of you idiots causing problems by turning up on the same day to see a bloody sunset."

Instead of arguing with him about that, the Doctor decided to ask both his future selves a pertinent yet dangerous question. "How old are you two, anyway?"

"Ah, we can't possibly answer that - " began the bowtie Doctor.

"Two thousand. And too old to be confronted with my frivolous and ridiculous past selves - "

The Doctor let out a whoosh of breath. "Blimey, no wonder you're cranky. Didn't even think I'd make it to that age, the rate I go through regenerations!" He grinned. "Nice to know I've got some life in me yet." Then he wrinkled his nose. "Not so nice to know I get all grey and wrinkly again at some point. Still! Could be worse. You've certainly got much better fashion sense than bowtie-and-braces over here."

"Oi! I happen to think that bowties are cool, and if you'd just give them a chance - "

"Oh no," said the Doctor, his smile fading as he caught sight of Rose coming towards them. His future selves hadn't noticed yet, because they were facing away from her, although -

The bowtie Doctor's eyes widened, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. "She's here, isn't she?" he murmured.

The oldest Doctor swallowed hard and did something odd with his eyebrows, trying to indicate that he was completely nonchalant about the fact that his former - that Rose Tyler was in the vicinity.

"All right, Doctor?" Rose grinned as she bounced up to him, linking her arm with his. Her eyes passed swiftly over the two other men. "Who're your mates?"

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Um…well, we're all going to have to forget this ever happened anyway, so I suppose…"

The bowtie Doctor's eyes widened. The oldest Doctor looked away stoically.

The pinstriped Doctor continued, "Rose, this is me. And this is me."

"Oh!" Rose realised, eyebrows shooting up her forehead. She bit her lip and studied them for a moment. "Past, or…?"

"Nope. You're looking at my future selves."

"Right." She forced a bright smile on her face and held out her hand. "Nice to meet you. Remember me?" she chuckled uncertainly.

The bowtie Doctor took her hand, shaking it enthusiastically. "Rose Tyler," he said, a smile in his voice. "Couldn't forget you if I tried."

She smiled, and glanced warily at the one who wouldn't meet her eyes. "Doctor?" she murmured to him.

The pinstriped Doctor wrapped his arm around her shoulders, giving her a light, reassuring squeeze. "Don't mind him; he's grumpy."

"I'm not grumpy," the oldest Doctor snapped. "I'm just - I'm just - Scottish."

Rose stared at him in confusion. "But -"

"Lots of planets have a Scotland," he interrupted swiftly, with a huff.

That made her fold her arms and arch an eyebrow. "What's your problem?"

"My problem? What's my problem? My problem is I've landed on this godforsaken planet expecting a crisis only to find two of my _worst_ past selves lingering around watching sunsets and I haven't got time to dilly-dally with all this nonsense - "

"All right, mate, you need to take a break from that high horse and maybe watch a nice sunset yourself, I reckon," Rose retorted, before turning to her Doctor and murmuring, "Sorry, but I'm not keen on this one."

The Doctor chuckled. "Me neither. Did you say two of your _worst?_ This one I can understand," he said, waving at the bowtie Doctor absently, who at that moment was simply looking at Rose with something in his eyes that the pinstriped Doctor did not want to decipher, for fear it meant something to do with Rose's absence from his future self's life. "But me? I'm - I'm - Rose, what am I?"

She patted his arm sympathetically. "You're very dashing, Doctor."

He held up his finger triumphantly. "See! I'm dashing."

"Exactly," the oldest Doctor replied. "That's the problem. When you're dashing, it gives people ideas."

"People ideas - what?" the youngest Doctor asked, sounding baffled. "What are you bloody talking about?"

The oldest Doctor simply nodded towards Rose, who took umbrage to this significantly.

"Um, excuse me, I don't know _what_ you remember - if anything - about me, but I'm not with you for your looks!" she exclaimed.

"I wasn't talking about you," he said pointedly.

She looked even more incensed at that. "What? Then who…?" She turned to her Doctor and looked at him accusingly. "Who's he talking about?"

"I've no idea!"

The oldest Doctor rolled his eyes again. "You! I'm talking about you, you pinstriped fool."

A faint blush crept across his cheeks. "What? No, don't answer that - "

"Honestly, taking Rose to see 'the most beautiful sunset in the galaxy' - what were you thinking?"

"Hold on a minute, you're me, don't go all high and mighty - and anyway! Nothing wrong with showing my best friend some lovely scenery - "

"And taking her in your arms and kissing her, I suppose there's nothing wrong with that, either," mumbled the oldest Doctor.

The Doctor grew even more flustered. "Firstly, that hasn't happened yet, you idiot - in case you hadn't noticed it's an hour 'til sunset! Secondly, now you've gone and ruined it. Thirdly - " he broke off when Rose tugged on his sleeve, and looked down at her, wincing in embarrassment.

"You're gonna kiss me? At sunset?" she grinned, tongue touching the corner of her mouth. "That's really gonna happen?"

"Well, I - that is, I was thinking that maybe - " he stammered, tugging on his ear.

"Yes, I do. It is," answered the bowtie Doctor, rather gleefully. "It was brilliant."

Rose's grin grew wider at this news, only for her face to fall a second later. "Hold on, though. You…you regret it," she murmured.

"What? No. Never," bowtie Doctor assured her, stepping forwards as if to go to her, but quickly stilling.

The youngest Doctor slipped his hand into hers, entwining their fingers, and looked to the oldest Doctor, almost defiantly.

Rose was looking at the oldest Doctor, too. "You do, don't you? You regret it. Years in the future and you're wondering why you ever bothered kissing someone like me."

The oldest Doctor's stern features softened considerably, his entire expression altering in the face of her quiet assessment. "Rose, that's not…I don't, I…"

She shrugged casually, taking her hand from her Doctor's. "I'm just gonna go for a walk and let you three sort out what it is you've got to sort out to stop time splintering or whatever. Come and get me when you're done - "

"No, wait," said the bowtie Doctor. "Ignore this old fella, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Stay."

"No, I'd rather…" she tilted her head. She tried to give him a smile. "Bye, Doctor." She looked at her Doctor and said, "See you in a bit." She didn't even dignify the third man with a glance, and turned away, walking back the way she'd come.

The bowtie Doctor's shoulders sank, and when he glanced at the pinstriped Doctor, he flinched a little at the dark look he was giving their future self.

"You've upset Rose," the youngest Doctor said. "Why would you do that? And don't you dare try to pretend you don't care that you've hurt her. I can see you've not forgotten her, not forgotten what she means to me, what she - " He stopped, exhaling roughly and trying not to get too angry at his future self. "Go to her and apologise."

The oldest Doctor shook his head slightly. "I don't think I should." He paused, and brushed absently at his coat, as if sweeping away dust. "She doesn't seem to like me."

"And why's that, do you think?" asked the youngest Doctor sarcastically. "Look, whether you like this fact in the future or not, Rose is currently - she's - we're - well, she's very important to me, and I'll not let you make her think otherwise - "

"She's not going to remember this anyway," the oldest Doctor protested.

"Right, but you will. Do you really want your last memory of Rose to be her walking away from you, not liking you?"

"Ah," the oldest Doctor realised succinctly. "Good point. Unusual, for you, but yes. Good point."

The youngest Doctor rolled his eyes at this mild insult, and encouraged, "Then catch up with her. Go on. Seems to me like you need one of her hugs."

"I'm - I'm not really a hugging sort of person anymore."

Both younger Doctors scrunched up their faces in annoyance with him.

"Could you _be_ more sanctimonious?"

The oldest Doctor huffed, and then suddenly he was walking away, briskly, in the direction Rose had travelled.

"Rose," he called out, spotting her a little way ahead. She ignored him, so he tried again. "Rose?"

She came to a stop and turned around, her arms folded defensively. "What is it? Come to lecture me on how I should behave myself around your younger self? Not let pesky emotions come into play?"

His lips twitched, and he stared at her thoughtfully for a moment. "Rose, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that I regretted…what we were."

She blinked at him. "Oh."

"You made me very happy." He paused. "That's actually quite an understatement."

"Oh," she said again, in a much softer voice, tinged with surprise.

"I'm just feeling a bit…old and weary."

Rose tugged on the hem of her jacket restlessly. "How long since you changed?"

"Not that long, actually; I managed to sustain that bowtie fellow for centuries."

"Really?" Rose asked, in disbelief.

He chuckled. "Yes, difficult to believe isn't it? I was so clumsy as him I'm surprised I didn't do myself in falling over my own feet."

Rose laughed, and fiddled with her earring. "So…it's, um. It's been hundreds of years since you last saw me."

"Yes."

She exhaled roughly, trying to deal with the reality of that.

He cleared his throat. "I have a companion - Clara. She, er, she stayed, just like you did - through a regeneration, I mean."

Rose smiled. "Good. As scary as it was watching it happen, I hate the idea of you having to regenerate on your own."

He swallowed hard, his eyes flitting to the floor. He couldn't exactly tell her how very alone the version of him she loved was going to be when he changed.

"The people you've travelled with, in the past…do you still think about them?" she asked quietly.

"Yes."

"Even after all this time?"

He smiled sadly. "A Time Lord never forgets. One of our curses."

"Along with outliving the people you love," she murmured.

He nodded silently.

Rose returned to the lesser of the two curses. "So do you still remember silly, unimportant things? For example, have you forgiven me yet for spilling my drink on your favourite chair in the library?" she teased, smiling up at him sheepishly.

The Doctor chuckled at this reminder. "Oh, definitely not. You'll never be atoned for that," he teased back. "You know, I'll recall the strangest things sometimes. I'll see a packet of shortbread biscuits and I'm reminded of the time Sarah Jane bartered them for our freedom on Cravos Five."

Rose laughed. "Oh my god, did she really?"

"Yes! Saved our lives! Good job she'd made me carry them around in my pockets. She said if I could have a life's supply of jelly babies in there, then the least I could do was bring something along for her to eat if we got stuck somewhere," he grinned. "A lot you can tell about people's food preferences, you know. Someone will mention pickled onions and I still think about the ridiculous amount Mickey Smith had stored in his kitchen cupboards…"

"Hey, came in handy for getting rid of Slitheen though, right?"

"Indeed," he chuckled. "Then there's you and your chips."

Rose smiled at him warmly. "I know it's selfish, I know it must be hard for you, but I'm… I'm glad you don't forget us."

"I think I forget myself more than I forget you," he admitted gravely.

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

He took a step closer to her. "Be honest, Rose. When you look at me, do you see the Doctor?"

"Well, yeah," she said, without hesitation. "You are the Doctor. Just got a different, I dunno, packaging, right?"

"That's what's so remarkable about you. You still see me, in here."

"And you don't?" Rose asked, concerned.

"I've…changed a lot, Rose. I tried to pretend that I haven't, that I could still be the sort of man I was when I was with you, but I can't. So now that I've regenerated again, I've stopped trying."

"Doctor, everyone evolves as people, yeah? I don't feel like the same person I was just last year, so no wonder you feel different as a person to who you were centuries and centuries ago. It's normal. Right?"

His lips parted to reply, but he ended up unable to say anything.

Rose took his hand, then, startling him. "Or is it deeper than that?" she guessed, biting her lip anxiously. "Are you having some sort of identity crisis? 'Cos maybe all you need to do is recharge, yeah? Take a few days to get used to your new self, think about the things that fundamentally make you you - "

"And what are those things, Rose?"

"Standing up and doing what's right," she answered immediately. "Pacifism. Optimism. Using your words and your memories and your experiences to work out the best way to help people. Helping people find their voice and help themselves. Showing people they can be better."

He listened to her intently, guilt swirling in his stomach. "The truth is, Rose, I don't think I care as much, anymore. And that terrifies me," he murmured. Rose just squeezed his hand in response, and the Doctor sighed. "I'm proud of who I was, when I was with you and Martha and Donna… Now, I…"

Rose didn't ask who Martha and Donna were, guessing that someday she would know them.

"When I realised he was here, that you would be here, I felt…guilty. Anxious, actually."

"Why?" she asked.

He let out a long breath. "Because I thought you'd take one look at me and know I'd let you all down."

She shook her head. "Doctor - "

"You wouldn't want to be with me, if you met me now."

"You said - your friend, Clara, right? She's with you, she cares."

"I don't deserve company, I don't think…"

"You need company though. You need her. Don't mess up your friendship with her by pushing her away. You tried that a bit, with me. And it just pissed me off. It don't work, it's not the answer. You need someone, to stop you dwelling on your own self-loathing…" She paused. "And your own self-importance," she added.

"Oi! That's rude."

She ignored him. "But mostly you just need someone because it's fun, all this stuff out here, sunsets and aliens and stars and planets, it's fun to share it with someone."

The Doctor's hearts started thumping faster in his chest and with sudden clarity dawning on him he knew exactly what Rose Tyler was going to say next.

She squeezed his hand again and said, "Don't tell me you've forgotten. You must remember? That it's better - "

"With two," he finished softly.

"Yeah," she said shakily. "Exactly."

He raised his free hand to cup her cheek. "How do you always do this to me?" he whispered. "How do you still…"

"What, Doctor?"

He dropped his hand, and untangled his other from hers. But he didn't move away just yet. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her, making her breath catch in her throat.

He felt her return the embrace, her hands stroking down his back reassuringly as he squeezed her tight. A little while later he thought perhaps he'd lingered too long, and hastily stepped backwards, his arms falling to his sides.

She smiled at him. He smiled back, an earnest thank you in his expression that he knew she picked up on.

"I'm going to leave now," he told her gently. "Because otherwise you're going to miss the sunset."

"And the kissing?" Her smile turned cheeky, that tongue of hers touching the corner of her mouth. As if he needed the reminder of what she could do, to him, to his pulse rate and his thought process, with that single smile.

"Yes," he said indulgently, his lips twitching. "And the kissing."

She stood on her tiptoes and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Bye then, Doctor."

He wondered if this was his final goodbye to Rose Tyler. He thought it probably was. So he kissed her cheek, felt her blush immediately, and returned, "Goodbye. And thank you."

She started to back away, towards where her current Doctor was likely still waiting for her. "Try to lose the constant frown, by the way," she grinned.

"I can't help it! It's the eyebrows, they move independently -"

She shook her head fondly. "Whatever you say!"

And then, she turned around. The Doctor did the same, putting his hands in his pockets so that his coat flared dramatically as he walked back to his TARDIS, thinking on all they'd discussed. When Clara saw him next, she asked him what he was smiling for, and it was only then that he realised how long his good mood had lingered. To share this with her, he tried a new approach to their friendship; he answered her honestly.

"Because I've remembered, Clara," he told her, his eyes dancing with mischief.

"Remembered what?" she asked warily, but slowly starting to smile.

"Oh, lots of things. Who I am, what's important to me." He raised his eyebrows and admitted, "How I shouldn't take you for granted."

"Too right," she agreed, laughing. "And what's prompted this realisation?"

"Ah, well, I bumped into someone I used to know." He paused, considering. "Seems like she still knows me very well. We had words."

"Did she tell you off? I like the sound of her."

He snorted. "Yeah, never letting you two meet."

Meanwhile, when Rose returned to the younger Doctor, she found him waiting for her with a concerned expression.

"All right?" he asked, as she came up beside him and looped her arm around the crook of his bowtie Doctor seemed to have departed already.

They started to stroll towards the edge of the town, for an unimpeded view of the sunset across the Lake of Sanria.

"Yep," Rose replied softly, laying her head against his shoulder. "Think I might like that future you after all."

"Oh?"

"Just a little bit. Glad I've got this you, though."

The Doctor stopped walking, and looked down at her to meet her warm gaze. "Yeah?"

"Oh, definitely."

He sniffed, his lips twitching. "Is it 'cos I'm dashing?"

Rose laughed, and reached up to tug on his jacket lapel, turning him towards her more fully. His arms settled around her waist, keeping her close. "It's because you're dashing, and smart, and funny. And it's because you make me happy."

"I do?"

"You really do," she assured him.

He hummed thoughtfully, joyfully. "You make me happy, too."

Her responding smile made his hearts beat faster; it didn't alarm him, however, as he was used to it - loved it. She made him feel so alive.

"You know, I'm gonna have to take away our memories of meeting them today."

"I know. He'll remember though, won't he? The oldest one."

"Yes. Shouldn't think he'd want to forget whatever it was you two talked about."

She shrugged. "Think he just needed a hug, really."

"I said that!"

"And a bit of a reality check."

The Doctor laughed. "Did you tell him to get over himself?"

"Think he was having a mid-life crisis."

He winced. "Hope not. Mid-life? The man was two thousand years old, Rose. If that's mid-life then that's - well, that means I'll be living far too long."

"Don't say that."

"It's true, though. It won't just mean centuries, it'll mean _millennia_ without - " he broke off, swallowing thickly.

"Let's not think about that," Rose said softly, squeezing his arm in comfort.

He sighed. "Mmm."

"Doctor?"

"Yeah?"

"Do it now, yeah? Make us forget? Then we can get this evening back on track. Don't want to mess up the timelines somehow by missing a very important event that's supposed to happen tonight."

He smiled down at her. "That, Rose Tyler, is a very good point."


End file.
